[IC - Echo Notebook]

[oncedevil]

Hell I don't even know how to start this damned thing. Someone suggested I keep track of my "echoes" or "pulses" or whatever the hell you want to call them and at the time I thought it was a good idea. Now that I'm sitting here trying to write down a whole bunch of crazy, I'm having my doubts.

Oh well, here it goes:

I'm Anthony Sparado, guess I should write that down in case I forget it. I have no family and no home, I live on the streets and do tricks for spare change. But I'm not gonna write about any of that.

I'm gonna write about how I'm slowly going insane.

Comments

Febuary - 25

[oncedevil]

My first echo (I like echo better than pulse, don't know why) was when I was eight. My parents had dropped me off to visit a friend of the family or something, I forget why exactly anymore, but as they were backing out of the driveway a truck plowed into them. Tore their car apart, wedged them against a light post. I saw the whole thing. I'd taken off after the wreck before anyone could catch me to hold me back.

When I got there.. when I saw my mother and father's faces I remembered something. Or saw something, a vision, or a nightmare. Another woman, bleeding - torn, falling to the ground in front of me. Monsters with bloody claws and bloody fangs gloating over her death I-

I didn't know who she was. I still don't. I saw three people die that day. No one wanted to believe me. I was so.. fixated on those deaths, on the monsters, everyone thought I was delusional. Told me my brain created them in trying to deal with seeing my parents die. I knew that wasn't the case, I knew what I'd seen wasn't just some figment of my imagination.

I guess it's reassuring to know I didn't imagine it after all.




I still miss them.

March 1st

[oncedevil]

I got my first pulse or echo after joining the Network today. And I think I almost died? I should probably cover that part first.

So here I was minding my own business down town (alright I was looking for scrap to sell, sue me, it's not like anyone was using it tossed out in the alley like that) when everything goes to fucking hell. It felt like an earthquake, so I did the logical thing and tried to get out from under tall buildings that might fall on my head, just in time for this gigantic-

I mean this thing was huge, old monster movie huge alright

HUGE pink snake. And no I'm not talking about a dick here I'm talking about a freaking snake. Scales, forked tongue, nasty disposition the works. Except it was pink, like, ridiculous cotton candy pink. Later Sundance told me he thinks it was a god? I mean I guess gods can be pink, I guess gods can be whatever they feel like honestly. Whose going to have the balls to disagree with an animal big enough to charge through a skyscraper anyway? Not me.

Anyway I had every intention of high-tailing it out of there before I ended up a smear on the belly of the beast, but what with this whole Numbered bullshit I figured maybe I should try to lend a hand instead. Maybe help get some people out of the warpath or something. I'm not super powered, I don't have any business trying to fight something like that. Or at least, I shouldn't have.

Small snakes formed out of chunks broken off of the bigger one, anywhere a piece fell a little snake rose. I got cornered by one in an alley, and all at once something hit me. I want to say it was like a hunger, but it was more than that. There's this sensation when you're starved where you just stop thinking about anything other than food, you're ravenous and fixated in a way where you'll do anything to get something to eat. It was kind of like that, only so intense I couldn't even think past it, and violent.

I wasn't hungry for food, I was hungry for a fight. I've never felt like that before, I don't like fighting and I sure as hell don't like pain. When you can't go to a doctor it's really better to avoid getting your face caved in, you know? But this, I was blind to anything but that. And it wasn't like anger or fury, not like I was pissed off, it was... exciting? Exhilarating? Is this what adrenaline junkies feel? I don't even know, I can't really put into words but it was like I needed to fight this thing, this hissing biting menace was an invitation I couldn't refuse.

And it wasn't just a wouldn't, I genuinely couldn't. I couldn't turn away from it. So I grabbed the first thing on hand (a piece of water pipe I think, knocked off a nearby wall) and went for it. Thank god Sundance almost ran me over, I think that was the only way to snap me out of it.

He picked me up while playing battering ram with his poor car. Normally I'm scared shitless to ride in a car but right then, as amped up as I was, I barely noticed. Hell I even got to use a pipe bomb on one of the snakes.

After he dropped me off I got myself cornered again, of course, luckily Dirk found me that time and managed to pull me out of there. He can float, apparently? Talk about a useful echo.

Broken ribs suck, I don't really know what I'm going to do about them other than try to lay low. This white hair is going to be a problem, maybe I'll see if we can dye it back to my normal color. Can't be having people suspecting that I'm Numbered, avoiding the dogs is bad enough.

March 9th

[oncedevil]

Apparently I can see and hear ghosts now. One was talking on the Network (ghosts can access the Network?) and I got that weird sensation that you usually do when you're getting an echo. Heart rate up, little out of breath, kind of feeling dizzy and disoriented for just a moment... And boom, she was there. Not everyone could see or hear her, but I could.

So, great, now I'm the Ghost Whisperer or some shit. Fantastic.

March 15th

[oncedevil]

Someone put out a call offering weapons training, in an attempt to force some maybe useful echoes. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but after what happened with Wise Snake I figured it couldn't hurt to see what was up. Never know if you don't try, right?

I ran into Fil there, he encouraged me to have a look around, see what struck my fancy. I honestly wasn't expecting much, but when I ran into what I found out was a broadsword I got another echo. A flash of a similar weapon, a skull on each side of the handle. One looked human with a closed mouth, the other looked mostly human but had horns and fangs and seemed to be screaming or roaring. I also remembered a little of how to use it.

After a little sparring match I remembered more, guess Sundance was right and I really was a swordsman in my past life?

Fil let me keep it, maybe I'll remember more as time goes on.

--


So after the whole sword thing I went to some kind of party at Dirk's cousin's house. Didn't really know what to do with myself there but it was kind of fun. His cousins are nice enough, it was weird doing normal kid stuff I guess. Never really had the option before.

We just kind of kept to ourselves and ate some snacks. Harper and Dallen were great though, I'm glad they let me come. I didn't get any echoes or anything I just thought this was something I wanted to remember.

Playing 'normal' is kind of nice once in a while.

April 5th

[oncedevil]

Oh yeah I forgot, Sundace invited me to try out his new car. Of course it was something ridiculously posh and fancy. I'll admit I was a little nervous, a lot nervous, I didn't have the benefit of being in full-on rage mode like the last time but...

It was fun, he took it off road I have no idea why he did that, but it rode smooth even over all the bumps. I think I'm starting to be a little more okay with riding in cars. Still not real fond of it, but as long as the driver's careful it's not so bad.

I still don't want to drive though and there's nothing you can do to convince me otherwise.

April 9th

[oncedevil]

This is getting out of hand. There's these little... hell they're just normal objects but they're alive and they're causing all kinds of trouble. Toothpicks, lighters, anything you can think of are out attacking people and causing all kinds of havoc.

Had a lighter burn my hoodie, it's all I've got to keep warm, and I just lost it. Went after it like my life depended on it or something. This stupid echo is going to get me killed. Hell I almost got hit by a couple cars and did get bumped by one. Got a nasty scrape and my knee hurts like hell, but I think I'm alright. They didn't hit me hard, guy was a real asshole though.

Creepy, he offered to take me to the hospital but I can't pay for that. Pretty sure he was more likely to kill me and leave me in a ditch than help me anyway.

Another dude stopped and pulled me out of the street, fed me a sandwich. That was awful nice of him, we talked for a while... well it felt more like an interview really. Awkward, strange guy, said he'd been where I was before. Offered me a job... Not real sure about that. Maybe, we'll see. I don't think I'm cut out for customer service. People don't like seeing people like me. They'd rather I stayed invisible and out of their way. Not inconveniencing them with my existence.

No echoes, just getting tired of this temper thing running off on its own.

Think I'm gonna go spend the night with Dirk. I miss him, and being out here on my own is going to get me killed.

April 12th

[oncedevil]

The guy I talked to about a potential job posted on the Network today, talking more about it. I offered to help move boxes or something for him. I'm really not much use for anything significant, but I owe him one. He did feed me after all.

He kept insisting that I take the job offer, that I'd do alright. I'm still not sure, still think he's putting too much faith where there isn't any reason to but it's nice of him to want to help. Not a lot of people want to give me the time of day, much less try to make me into something less than trash.

I'll think about it.

In the meantime, May 2nd is when he wants me there to help with the move. I can do that much at least. A little spare change sure couldn't hurt, maybe replace that hoodie the lighter scorched.

April 13th

[oncedevil]

Aliens came and spoke on the news today. I dunno, it's a little strange I guess but they seem honest enough? I don't think they've got it out for us at the very least. They said they're going to take care of cleaning up some of the mess caused by the other guy.

I mean I don't really have any reason to distrust them, don't have much of one to trust them either. Guess we'll see what happens.

Anyway, to the point, while watching it the sword Fil gave me changed. It turned into that one from my memory, only a little different. The horned skull isn't roaring, I wonder what that means? It seems significant, for whatever reason.

Damn, am I getting tired of these vague as hell echoes.

On that note, this book was just supposed to be about the echoes I got, not everything else. Oh well, it's been kind of nice having somewhere to try to sort out my thoughts. Nothing makes a whole lot of sense these days.

It'll be getting warmer soon, that's good news I won't be as cold all the time.

April 27th

[oncedevil]

Talk about a surprise. Richard, Dirk's uncle, signed on to the Network today. This has got to be some kind of family trait or something. Dirk, his uncle, his two cousins? That's a lot of family on this seemingly random bullshit.

It's nice to have another friendly face on the network, someone else I know. Richard's not like Dirk's mom, he's a good guy, real relaxed and doesn't treat me like I've crawled out from under a dumpster specifically to offend him. Been a while since I've been able to talk to the guy, kinda missed him.

He was a little annoyed I was on the streets again, I don't think at me specifically he knows I can't do much about it, so he came and picked me up. I guess I've got a place to stay for a few nights?

'Course he scared the shit out of me nearly wrecking the car on the way back to his place. Damn I hate being in cars. Knew I should've waited until we were parked to show him my stupid hair color change. We're alright of course just really freaked out.

Have to admit, it's paradise just being able to get a shower again.

I'll work on repaying him later.

May 1st

[oncedevil]

Today was the big day, my first attempt at a job of sorts. It was just moving furniture around and sweeping, but still it was work. My leg started killing me once I started lifting heavier things but I did my best not to let it bother me. Maybe I rolled a little harder than I thought when that car bumped me.

Oh well, too late to do anything about it now.

Richard came with me to help out as well, I was a little surprised at first but he's been really great. Hasn't kicked me out yet at any rate. Everything went pretty smoothly I think, I mean there was one small near miss involving poor balance and a set of stairs without rails, but really that was minor. I'm getting pretty good at falling over anyway, I probably wouldn't have even felt it, hah.

L's still kind of strange, but he's not so bad once he isn't berating you with questions or lecturing you. Kinda worried about him, honestly, he wasn't looking so hot. Think he might be pushing himself a little too hard. Oh well, not really any of my business I guess. Maybe I'll try to keep an eye on him a little bit anyway when I can.

We'll just have to wait and see. If he still wants me to work for him after today, I might consider it. Still thinking on it.

May 23rd

[oncedevil]

I fucked up.

Big time.

I don't know I just. I don't stay anywhere long. I'm not welcome anywhere long. I figured it'd be the same here.
I thought I'd overstayed my welcome.
Don't know why it just started to nag at me until that was all I could think about so I thought the best thing would be to leave before I could really fuck something up and piss him off. Then he'd never talk to me again I don't know.

It was stupid I realize that.

Didn't stop me from doing it.

But he wasn't-- as upset as I was expecting? I mean I figured he'd yell or something but he didn't? It's all really strange. I really don't know how I feel about all of this.
Really anxious works. Kind of. It feels like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and I don't know if I'm going to fall off or jump first.

He wasn't angry, it was almost surreal how calm he was about the whole thing. I think I was the one all worked up, am the one all worked up. I've got a curfew now I guess? Sort of? I don't even know anymore.

He also gave me a house key. I don't think anyone's trusted me this much since I met Dirk.

I don't want to screw this up.

It's kind of nice being wanted for a change.



Oh yeah he brought up the job thing. Now L's got Richard in on it, sheesh. Guy doesn't know when to quit. Still, I have been thinking on it and really... what's the worst that could happen? I suck and get fired? I guess what I'm saying is I don't really have anything to lose. But if that's the case, why am I still so nervous?