oncedevil: (Not dignifying that)
[personal profile] oncedevil
Hey, not around. Leave a message, I'll get back to you.

on 2015-03-01 04:48 am (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Love Me Dead" (You're born of a jackal)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
[At this point, L is cowed and terrified to think of what keeping it a secret would entail, and what it would do to him. Is he supposed to meet Cesar's eyes, smile, feel his arms around him, and not shatter into a thousand pieces? Tony might as well have asked him to jump out the window and fly three times around the hotel.

Tony's suggestions are all too abrupt and extreme. He's still processing this, things he's done with Cesar and said to him that apparently don't count, and he's too shell-shocked to immediately make plans to leave. It feels just as unthinkable as staying with the person who tried to make the real Tony pay for the sins of his double.]


Tony!

[His voice is panicked and sharper than he intended it to sound. He tries to gentle it down a little before he speaks again, but his heart is pounding in his chest, feeling significantly crushed.]

Tony, I... thought a lot of things, before you told me this information. I need a little while, I'm... sorry.

Edited on 2015-03-01 04:48 am (UTC)

on 2015-03-02 03:31 pm (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Secret" (Got a secret can you keep it)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
[A half hour later, he's back, returning the message, sounding calmer but in a dead, detached way.]

It's OK, Tony. I think I have it figured out. I know what to do, at least for now. I'll put together the rest as I go.

I can't tell you how many ways this is fucked up, but whatever happens I'll stay safe. You do the same.

on 2015-03-03 04:49 am (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Yellow Flicker Beat" (They used to shout my name)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
I haven't exactly worked out the details yet. I have to leave, obviously, but it has to be done right... I didn't want to say this before, but he's been treating me like... not badly. But like a possession. I might actually be a prisoner and I haven't been brave enough to test that yet.

Be careful, but don't lock your trust down just because someone abused it. You have people who will help you and as soon as I'm out of this, I'll continue to be one of them.

on 2015-03-03 09:21 pm (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Beat the Devil's Tattoo" (Death is all you cradle)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
I feel like an idiot. Part of me knew the whole time that it was too good to be true. I'm ashamed for not waking up to it sooner.

[It's like a knife is twisting in his gut, every time he thinks about how secure and loved Cesar's doppelganger has made him feel.]

You'll know. I'm going to find a way to make it more obvious and permanent... for now, the bruise on my face should suffice.

on 2015-03-05 04:58 am (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Secret Agent Man" (There will be nowhere that I can run)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
It's beginning to look like a lot of people fell for it. And with my history, I can't really be angry... I've no doubt that it looked like a lot of potential things that could have been wrong.

[Miserably, this is something he's aware of and he can't deny. It's the worst thing by far about suffering from his brand of ailments; they are poorly understood and present unpredictably, making it easy for an imposter to make him seem like he's suffering a break, rather than being replaced entirely.

He swallows, trying to keep the raw, painful lump in his throat from coming through too noticeably. It's very likely that he fails utterly.]


I'm going to give it some thought, I... might as well try to take my mind off of the fact that I haven't been with Cesar this last week.

on 2015-03-10 04:41 am (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Everybody's Changing" (I don't see how you can)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
Noted, I will certainly do so.

[His voice sounds weak and wavery. He doesn't want to say what he's thinking: that it was all so good while it lasted, even when it started to get stifling and a little bit scary. He has never been loved like Cesar's double loved him.]

I'm going to kill my doppelganger if he even touched Cesar. I'll choke the life out of him.

on 2015-03-25 03:57 am (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Secret Agent Man" (If I stop now call me a quitter)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
I think if anything, I'll regret not doing anything. I feel like I need to see him die before I'll feel anything like peace. I've never been angry like this before.

on 2015-03-28 12:59 am (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Everybody's Changing" (I don't see how you can)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
Understanding is the best gift you could give me right now. I need to remember that. I need to be grateful, and I'm sorry if I sound like I am less than.

on 2015-03-28 02:38 am (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Everybody's Changing" (I don't see how you can)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
[He is hurting. And it is a bitch to admit it, but he swallows. Tony's right, and what's more, Tony's being a hell of a rock in this situation when L desperately needs one to cling to.]

Yeah, you're right. I'll pull it together. We're back to this sink or swim business, and I want to swim.

on 2015-03-28 02:53 am (UTC)
dead_black_eyes: "Mr. Brightside" (Choking on your alibis)
Posted by [personal profile] dead_black_eyes
...yeah. Got it. Thank you.

[What else is there to say? It's tough. Right now all he wants in the world is for that incredible feeling to come back and stay, living like a warm, glowing light in his bony chest.

When he does think of something, though, it is a comfort to know that someone will be there to at least light a candle in the cold dark he's been left with.]

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